To Hope Again

MV Retreat Reflection by Tracey Sibayan

“I urge you, therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to offer your bodies as living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, your spiritual worship.” - Romans 12:1

“Not only that, but we boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint , because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us” - Romans 5:3 - 5

As for most retreats, I am clueless to what will happen, but I knew that there was something that I was longing for. This longing stemmed, not out of emptiness, but out of this quiet, yet eager expectation that there was something that God wanted me to see during the weekend. Besides this, I was also excited as the theme for this year will revolve around one of my favorite theological virtues to ponder: hope.

Most definitely, there were many parts of the retreat that are notable, but having to be reminded of what it means to truly hope would be one of the greatest highlights.
Going into the weekend, just as much as I was excited to receive rest, I was also eager to run away from the chaos of daily life, even if it was temporarily. From the very beginning of the retreat, this was my posture, but God had something more for me to receive. The weekend was surrounded by reading and reflecting both the letter of St. Paul to the Romans as well as the writings of Pope Francis for this Jubilee year’s theme: Pilgrims of Hope. Throughout our time of reflection, I realized where I was when it came to my relationship with God as well as where I ought to be.

As mentioned earlier, I was too enthusiastic to escape my reality, which is basically a cycle of anxiousness, exhaustion, and a couple of hours of sleep in the evening. Of course there were other things in between that make up this cycle, but I knew I only gave a small space for God in those “in-betweens”. Although I was technically fulfilling all my obligations as a Catholic, I knew that there was this slight indifference when it came to growing in this relationship with God. This slowly influenced how I approached challenges in my life, even the smallest inconveniences. Rather than seeing through the lens of someone who has fully witnessed the goodness of God, I gradually became more pessimistic and uncharitable.

I realized that my lack of effort in nurturing my relationship with God as well as trying to take control of everything dwindled my ability to trust in Him. During our reflections as well as sharings with my fellow missionaries, I was reminded of the importance of constantly having my gaze towards God, whether it may be in good times or bad times. I was reminded what it means to hope in Him